Querying sucks. There’s no way to sugar coat that. No one told me it would be this bad. Like my mom friends who refuse to tell me all the gory details of pregnancy out of fear that I’ll never do it, if someone told me how hard/disheartening/frustrating/buzz-killing querying would be, I’d never written my book.
I realized today that it’s been a month since I’ve sent out my last query letter. I have an excuse for two of those weeks – I was traveling. But for the other two? I stuck my head in the sand.
Every published writer has been there. Everyone has to put themselves out there and face the rejection that comes. I like to believe that the payoff will be worth it – that when I finally see my book on a bookstore shelf I’ll appreciate it so much more than if it happened effortlessly. But that doesn’t numb the pain.
I don’t think I’m purposefully putting my head in the sand. After all, no queries mean I’m not putting myself in front of agents. Trust me, they are NOT looking for me. I think it’s my subconscious, the part of my brain that would rather devote the little free time I have to writing than sending out query letter after query letter after query letter … you get the point. I’m not querying because I would rather use the right side of my brain.
I love to write. There is nothing more exhilarating than trying to make your fingers keep up with the movie in your head. You’re in the zone, the characters are moving, talking, hoping, jiving – they are alive. You find yourself playing with words, alliteration is your best friend, the words sound like music in your ear. When you finally allow yourself to take a break, you float from your chair. Writing – especially when you are in your fictive dream – is like a runner’s high. (I swear if someone were to do a study they would find that we produce a lot of serotonin when we’re in this state.)
That’s my take on writing. Querying? Blah, blah, blah. It’s a business transaction rather than a work of art. A rejection on your query is like your parachute failing to open. If you survive the fall, you are going to bounce twice … at least.
I shouldn’t be so down on querying. It’s a necessary evil. But, I feel the need to take a vacation. Maybe it’s because I realized – with the help of my awesome writer’s group the Greater Fort Worth Writer’s Workshop – that I have a trilogy in me. Or, maybe the sadly small left side of my brain is telling me to regroup, think about my query some more and take the summer off. Whatever it is, I just don’t have the energy to send out another query letter right now.
As the eternal optimist, while it’s been a month since I sent out a query, it’s also been a month since I’ve received a rejection. 🙂